Are you an introvert with social anxiety? Here are a few tips to help you ask people to hang out at your place.
By Dani Fraher
Talking to people can be hard, or even just downright scary, but sometimes you don’t want to stay home on your own. Maybe there are some cool people in your life who you don’t know super well but you would like to ask to hang. It’s just that the thought of actually talking to them has you freezing up.
First, know that you’re not alone. Ayden Cessna, a sophomore economics major at the University of Minnesota and a self-described homebody who struggles with social anxiety. He says he prefers to keep to himself and doesn’t really like to go out on the weekends but would rather watch a movie at home or maybe do some “niche artsy things” like painting or visual editing.
Inviting someone over who isn’t a close friend makes him nervous, he says: “If it’s a classmate or something, if they think I’m weird or something, I’m going to have to see them every day the rest of the semester.”
Not all introverts have social anxiety, and not everyone who has social anxiety is an introvert. But for those who struggle with inviting people over, here are a few tips according to counselor Samantha Anders, adjunct faculty in the counseling and psychology departments of the University of Minnesota.
Take a deep breath. Anxiety can present physically in the body, be it tension or difficulty breathing, Anders said. Treating these physical reactions to the anxiety is a key part of treating the anxiety itself. Before taking any action, wait a minute to breathe and take stock of your body.
Make a list of what’s making you nervous. Naming what exactly you are afraid of when you approach someone to invite them over can help you get to the root of those fears. Once you name the fears you’re trying to avoid, then you can move to the next step of facing them.
Think about what could realistically happen. It’s easy to get in your own head. What if I embarrass myself? What if they don’t like me? What if they say no? These thoughts, however, aren’t always realistic. Anders recommends to her clients to think about what else could realistically happen that doesn’t feed into the anxious thoughts. Consider other possible outcomes that don’t make you anxious.
Practice the invite. In sessions with her clients, Anders will often either roleplay these kinds of scenarios with them. She’ll also challenge them to go out in the world and make small talk with a stranger, like talking about the weather with the barista at a coffee shop. The goal of this exposure therapy is not only to get more experience with talking to people but also to show these interactions are safe.
Remember the goal. Inviting someone over isn’t going to be perfect. The goal of social interaction is not to be cool or funny or amazing. It’s not smooth by design. It’s about connecting with other people and, for us homebodies, opening up our homes to the people we’d like to share them with.