The Playground

My journey in attempting to curb my social anxiety

By Izzy Caswell

Over the past week, I went on three excursions: a Goodwill Outlet, the Guthrie and the Minneapolis Institute of Art. 

I know this might seem like no big deal. But it was really all I could do given my recent history. 

I was a junior in highschool when COVID began. In the spring of 2020, I spent an entire five months watching movies. 

When I returned to school, senior year felt like I was out of my body, looking through my eyes from afar. Much like a TV screen. 

I hid half of my face under a mask and easily avoided group work because, obviously, we had to social distance. Interactions with other people besides my immediate family and friends was minimal. 

I completely lost what little ability I had to maintain a normal conversation with people. I was among many. 

Since 2020, there has been an increase of 25% in cases of anxiety disorders globally, according to the National Library of Medicine. The largest increases were among those aged 18-29. 

Since then, going out has been challenging. The first time I left the house without a mask on since the start of the pandemic, I felt exposed. My mask created a safety net I used to feel comfortably invisible. 

A trait I developed from wearing a mask was showing my reactions to situations on my face. If I thought a comment was funny from eavesdropping, I would smile. Or if I saw someone crash their bike, I would cringe. 

I still occasionally catch myself reacting to something I shouldn’t be reacting to. Except this time my face is out. People have seen me do this. 

Existing in public has made me wary, not to mention my long-lost ability of casual conversation. But I know I need the company of others.

Despite the global increase in stress over social interactions, this study has found socially anxious people are happier interacting with people than being alone and isolated. In other words, the more comfortable I get existing in public the better. 

I would much rather watch movies in bed than be out and about, but I need to gain that strength back. So I have decided to learn the best places to venture out as a lone person in public. Hence my little outings. 

On Saturday, I took the Greenline to the Goodwill Outlet on Fairview Avenue in St. Paul. 

Thrifting for clothes is one of my main hobbies, but I had only ever gone with my friends before. 

I recommend choosing a place that satisfies a hobby. As soon as you get there, you know what to do. It is comforting to be able to busy yourself with something. 

At this Goodwill, there are only bins full of clothing and small items, such as home decor. I ignorantly chose a Saturday to go, so it was packed. People were aggressively throwing stuff in carts and rifling through mounds of clothes.  

Luckily for me, I hear “mounds of clothes” and I am immediately excited and can ignore the chaos. 

On Tuesday, I scored a free ticket from work to a play at the Guthrie Theater. 

The Guthrie is a beautiful hop, skip and a jump over the Stone Arch Bridge from my apartment. Once I got there, I went on the Endless Bridge to peek at the skyline before the show started. 

In the velvet seating of the smaller of the two theaters I watched For the People, a new play about stolen native land on Franklin Avenue. 

Theater settings are perfect for solo-dates. No one asks any questions. 

On Wednesday, I took the city bus to the Minneapolis Institute of Art (MIA). 

On a side note, I haven’t had the best experience with public transportation. It is the most common place for me to receive unwanted attention from men. 

I got barked at by a man on Wednesday, strangely enough. I don’t want to go into the details, but sometimes that happens. I didn’t let that deter my streak of self-outings. 

Despite that, public transit isn’t all bad. The No. 2 dropped me off right by the MIA.

Museums, in my opinion, are the best place to go by yourself. I listened to my favorite songs while I looked at art. Being alone allowed me to take however long I wanted. 

I know these three locations make it easy to be alone, but we all have to begin somewhere. Next time maybe I can try the Mill City Farmers Market or Como Zoo. 

I encourage everyone to do this if they have social anxiety because, yes, it does get easier. The first step out the door is the hardest.